Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
