anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
