rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
