I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
