Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
