Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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