You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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