This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
