is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
