I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
