as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
