well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
