she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
