Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
