best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
