he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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