I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
