we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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