I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
