I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
