I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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