My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
