dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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