Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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