she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
