i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
please come you make the beer taste better
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
