The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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