Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
