hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
