i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
