My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
