You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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