I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
