im six kinds of drunk right now
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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