mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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