i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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