I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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