a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
