Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
