My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
40s are totally the cure
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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