My pussy is not your playground.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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