Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
