Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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