Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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