you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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