in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
FUCK WHALES
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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