New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
