so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
