I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
