My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
