I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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