So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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