Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
