Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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